I haven’t posted this weekend, and probably won’t. Just letting everyone know I just started attending school again, which is probably going to take up a significant amount of my time. On top of this, I am co-creating a podcast with a close friend over at http://tcubednerdcast.wordpress.com/ and will be devoting a large portion of creative juices to that.

In short, I will be posting less and I’m sorry but it’s for a good reason.

I apologize for not posting today, it’s one of those days where my body gives me the finger and leaves me on the floor in the fetal position. I promise I’ll post again soon (maybe tomorrow?) but until then, have a picture of a monkey hugging a puppy:

 

Awwwwwwwwwwww

I spend a lot of time talking about stupid people and all of the stupid things that they do with their stupid time. In the spirit of fairness, I will now talk about how incredibly stupid my own brain can be.

Not shown: my Stupid area.

I have an extremely active mind. My mind is a little like the Energizer Bunny meets the simple dog (I apologize for how long that post is, but it’s really the only way to explain that comment) after having ten gallons of soda laced with crack. Also, there’s a Pogo-stick involved in there somewhere. My point is, at any given moment, my mind is rushing at two million miles-an-hour and it has lost the ability to hit the brakes. I have found myself spending hours upon hours on many days doing nothing but reading Wikipedia articles. Much like another blogger (whose writing I very much like) mentioned a few weeks ago, I spend quite a bit of time at social functions on my phone Googling pretty much any thought that comes into my mind (Do ducks lay more than one egg a day?)

Now, on most days, I consider all of these things a positive. I like to think that when I can tell you exactly who starred in Super Mario Bros (Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo, by the way), I am impressing you with my amazing ability to type useless questions into Google and produce useless information, rather than the greater likelihood that I’m really just creeping you out. However, every once in a while, my mind likes to open my brain, grab a hammer and proceed to hit me over and over again in the face until I cry.

Because thinking about this movie doesn’t make me cry already…

Tonight is one of those nights.

As I was laying in bed winding down, I clicked a link someone sent me to a movie trailer on YouTube (here). The movie is called Harmless and it has everything you could want in a horror movie: suspenseful music, well-timed close-ups, and, of course, the “shaky-cam” (which I typed into Google to see if I spelled that right) that every horror movie has lately. It even has a horror movie monster! Unfortunately, that monster is a box of porn. That kills people. Yes you are reading this right. It is an entire movie exploring the thought that has lingered on all of our minds: what if porn could kill people?

I’m willing to bet that none of you watched that video and, I don’t know, immediately sat up all night looking over your shoulder to make sure you weren’t being stalked by porn (which, for most men, shouldn’t sound like  a bad thing). The only exception to that rule are my 7-year-old readers (who don’t know what porn is) to whom I say: go ask your parents (Sorry parents!). Yet, I find myself awake at 4 AM listening to funny podcasts with the lights on because my brain is terrified that THERES A BOX OF PORN BEHIND YOU OH DEAR LORD THE INHUMANITY AHHHHHHHHHH

I hear the Jaws music when I see this picture.

So, to those of you who think that I think I am above the rest of you: I don’t. It turns out, I’m just as crazy and silly as everyone else; my crazy is just funnier.

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I feel like everytime someone makes a new blog they have to make the first post about why they are making the blog. It’s always something along the lines of “I love cats. Here’s a blog about cats.” or “Did you know music is awesome? Let me spend the next eight hours writing about how awesome it is.”

This is totally one of those posts.

So, everyone knows that one person in their life that likes to get riled up and go on massive rants about something that everyone isn’t interested in or, at the very least, isn’t interested enough in to listen to a five point lecture about someone else’s opinion on that thing. You know the one. You are sitting in a bar and have just gotten buzzed enough that the room looks a little too fuzzy and you are talking about a new television series or the Hadron Super Collider or president Obama’s recent visit to a sandwich shop (Seriously CNN? Really?) and then BAM he’s off to the races like this was his thesis at university and there is absolutely no way you are going to stop him now.

I’m that guy.

So, I introduce you to Ranting with Ranty: the blog about ranting. Well, technically it’s a blog containing ranting (by Ranty (That’s me!)), completely stream of consciousness (With minimal editing because damn you horrible typing ability) being force fed into your brain. I’m sure there’ll be some trends but it’s going to be unhinged, subjects unleashed like a zombie virus onto the tiny populace of the slightly too crowded city in your mind.

Enjoy!
-Ranty