Mind Games

I spend a lot of time talking about stupid people and all of the stupid things that they do with their stupid time. In the spirit of fairness, I will now talk about how incredibly stupid my own brain can be.

Via Willamette.edu

Not shown: my Stupid area.

I have an extremely active mind. My mind is a little like the Energizer Bunny meets the simple dog (I apologize for how long that post is, but it’s really the only way to explain that comment) after having ten gallons of soda laced with crack. Also, there’s a Pogo-stick involved in there somewhere. My point is, at any given moment, my mind is rushing at two million miles-an-hour and it has lost the ability to hit the brakes. I have found myself spending hours upon hours on many days doing nothing but reading Wikipedia articles. Much like another blogger (whose writing I very much like) mentioned a few weeks ago, I spend quite a bit of time at social functions on my phone Googling pretty much any thought that comes into my mind (Do ducks lay more than one egg a day?)

Now, on most days, I consider all of these things a positive. I like to think that when I can tell you exactly who starred in Super Mario Bros (Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo, by the way), I am impressing you with my amazing ability to type useless questions into Google and produce useless information, rather than the greater likelihood that I’m really just creeping you out. However, every once in a while, my mind likes to open my brain, grab a hammer and proceed to hit me over and over again in the face until I cry.

Via Wikipedia

Because thinking about this movie doesn’t make me cry already…

Tonight is one of those nights.

As I was laying in bed winding down, I clicked a link someone sent me to a movie trailer on YouTube (here). The movie is called Harmless and it has everything you could want in a horror movie: suspenseful music, well-timed close-ups, and, of course, the “shaky-cam” (which I typed into Google to see if I spelled that right) that every horror movie has lately. It even has a horror movie monster! Unfortunately, that monster is a box of porn. That kills people. Yes you are reading this right. It is an entire movie exploring the thought that has lingered on all of our minds: what if porn could kill people?

I’m willing to bet that none of you watched that video and, I don’t know, immediately sat up all night looking over your shoulder to make sure you weren’t being stalked by porn (which, for most men, shouldn’t sound like  a bad thing). The only exception to that rule are my 7-year-old readers (who don’t know what porn is) to whom I say: go ask your parents (Sorry parents!). Yet, I find myself awake at 4 AM listening to funny podcasts with the lights on because my brain is terrified that THERES A BOX OF PORN BEHIND YOU OH DEAR LORD THE INHUMANITY AHHHHHHHHHH

Via Dreamstalkerfilms.com

I hear the Jaws music when I see this picture.

So, to those of you who think that I think I am above the rest of you: I don’t. It turns out, I’m just as crazy and silly as everyone else; my crazy is just funnier.

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